"You're Pretty Good at Games for a Girl" | My Worst PAXEast Experience

Warning: The following is a personal account of harassment. If you are triggered by harassment in any way or form, please read with caution.

My PAXEast Experience

Before spring break, I made a post stating that I would be attending the major video gaming convention PAXEast in early March. Well, I've been there, done that, and got amazing SWAG. But, I also received quite an interesting experience along the way. An experience that highlights both the wonders and the downers of both nerd culture and video gaming culture.

So, buckle your seat belts and hold on tight to those controllers because this isn't your grandma's boss fight.

I arrived at the con in the mid-afternoon. The first panel that I managed to make was a panel concerning my favorite YouTuber Markiplier.

This panel was more for personal interest in the celebrity than for my project. Therefore the only information I have to report is that it was completely awesome to meet my favorite YouTuber. The other panel that I was interested in going to was later that day.

Unfortunately, I was unable to make the panel due to train scheduling problems. It was a sad situation, but I'm hoping to find a recording of the panel somewhere online. That way, I'm able to watch it and experience it despite having to leave the convention without seeing it.

After making my way out of the panel and down onto the convention floor, I was, well, floored by how large the convention was. Large booths were more small cities that were bordered by lines of people that wrapped around them. Below are some pictures I managed to take while on the convention floor, but I will be honest in that they don't do the sheer huge-ness of the show justice.

My overall experience at the convention was great. It was a convention that I have longed to go to since I was young. And everything that I got to try was amazing. Yet there were some parts of the day that tore away at the fun that I was having.

The first part was some attendees' reciprocation of cosplayers. Now, just as with every convention, I decided to go in cosplay. My costume choice was to do a cute, human version of the Pokémon Umbreon.

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To keep a long description short, my outfit consisted of: a skirt with attached tail, crop top, tights, boots, a beanie with ears, and an under bust corset. Because Umbreon is a Dark type Pokémon, I wanted to keep the design dark, Gothic, but cute, fun and recognizable. I got stopped for photographs quite a bit and my character was recognized. All in all I thought it was a good cosplay. However, there were some people on the convention floor who didn't enjoy, not just my cosplaying, but cosplaying in general quite as much.

Quite often, I would find myself overhearing comments about my cosplay. Whether it was my choice to wear a corset or how "short" -- apparently just above my knees is 'short' -- my skirt was, it seemed as though what I was wearing was of huge concern to the people around me. Being a cosplayer for three years, I know that I will be judged by everyone who sees me on the floor. Cosplay is a subculture where critiquing is commonplace. Yet, when my cosplay one of the more covering cosplays I saw that day, I started to get irritated that what I was wearing was causing concern.

The topic of cosplayers being at the convention was a subject that seemed to bring strife to some attendees. It seemed as though that every time I was stopped for a picture or had a compliment given to me, there was a time when someone made a comment about "how much cosplaying is ruining PAX" or "how these 'fake' gamers are only there to cosplay" or "how cosplayers shouldn't bother with coming." It was disheartening to say the least, but I could understand their points.

PAXEast is a widely recognized video gaming convention. It's a place for major video game companies to come forward and show off their newest toys and games to the masses. It's a place for Independent - "Indie" - developers to bring in media attention to their newer titles. It's a place for tabletop companies to give you exclusive releases to add to your decks. The core interest of the convention is gaming. So it's natural for long-time, dedicated PAX con-goers to be distressed to see cosplay growing in popularity at the convention. However, I personally think that completely discrediting someone just because they chose to come in costume to a gaming convention is ridiculous and elitist. Cosplay is a fantastic and creative way to show appreciation for all nerd media. Whether it's comic books, television shows, movies, or, yes, video games, to put the time and effort to make and wear a costume of a character shows a level of fan appreciation that I, again personally, think goes beyond just loving the medium their from. And while yes it can be annoying to try and move around someone in large, Worbla armor that lights up and takes up the space of two people, saying that cosplay is "ruining" the convention is simply untrue.

The second part was the concern of my sex. Throughout the day, I found myself stuck in a situation that, sadly, is all too common for me: the treatment of female gamers. Being a gamer and being a woman has always lead to some difficult situations. I have been pushed aside, laughed at, scoffed at. But, at the same time, I've been seen as some mythical being emerging from the mists of fantasy when my male counterparts realize that I wasn't a "fake gamer girl." And I wasn't able to escape this treatment at PAX.

At some booths, I would struggle to keep my place in line. One attendee cut in front of me and, after I politely explained that I was in line, he bluntly said "Oh...I just thought you were waiting in line with your boyfriend." At other booths, I found exhibitors explaining aspects of the game and answering questions to my partner or my male friends when I was the one who asked the question or made the inquiry. I had to stand in front of my partner at one booth because the exhibitor almost refused to answer me. 

But, the experience that stands out most in my head would have to be the moment that I was the subject to uncomfortable harassment by an attendee. To read about that, check out the stand alone post I made about it.

PAXEast 2015 was an overall good experience. I had fun, I saw a lot of neat games and technologies, and I managed to meet a few of my idols. Yet, there were some lead linings to this cloud 9 experience. Despite the changes made in the recent years following the GamerGate controversy and other nerd culture icons speaking out, I still found myself in the position I've been in for most of my life: receiving different treatment because I was a woman who identified as a gamer. But instead of ripping my fun from me, it fueled my passion. It pushed me to keep on going forward with this blog and this area of study. There is so much more that needs to be done to bring about change and I'm not giving up.

I may have lost a life in this boss fight, but I have two more. And I'm not wasting either of them.

My Journey to PAXEast

Conventions are a hub of nerd culture activity. Members of all different sub-sects from all over nerd culture come together to celebrate anything from pop culture to video games. Celebrities come to shake the hands of fans. Independent artists host booths in order to get discovered. Panels bring the world of whatever media is on display to the world of their fans. And being a fangirl and a member of nerd culture, conventions are a way for me to experience and socialize with my fellow nerds in the best way possible.

Earlier this year, I managed to purchase a ticket for the annual PAXEast convention in Boston, MA. The convention is a celebration of video games and video gaming culture. Tournaments are held all day throughout the weekend. Video gaming companies and celebrities hold panels to discuss anything from development to general queries. Being a gamer, I'm excited to participate in this important annual event. But, I'm also excited to attend the event as a scholar studying nerd culture. The event will give me a hands on way of looking at, not only video gaming culture, but also nerd culture as a whole. 

And I'm not the only one who is interested. While perusing the schedule site, I found myself honing in on a particular panel. 

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The panel captured my eye because of how it's focusing on the gaming identity and culture along with the bigger geek/nerd culture and identity. With this being such an interesting panel, I plan on, not only taking notes and recording the panel, but I plan on giving my opinions on the research and information presented at the panel. 

If you wish to learn more:

     • PAXEast Website

     • PAXEast Schedule