Bring Me Your Rage Quitting, Your LARPing, Your Nerdy: A Profile of a Member of My Audience #2

Injustice and harassment is coming from all sides of the gender politics battlefield. Female nerds screaming "misogyny" and "discrimination." While there are male nerds stuck in the corners screaming "misandry" and "censorship." Because of this patchwork of genders, I'm splitting up my audience member profiles into two people: a male and a female. I'm doing this in order to better represent all those who have been wounded in the battle of nerd culture and gender politics. Here is the second person.

His name is "John." He is a 37 year old entrepreneur who runs the family car garage. He is married to his hometown sweetheart Juliet with whom he's had two lovely daughters, Harley and Pamela. They live in their hometown of Towson, MD in a quiet suburb. On the outside, John's life is the epitome of what a Post-War American family might look like: suburban house, wife, 2 kids, and a pet. But, there is much more beneath the surface.

Growing up, John didn't like the word "nerd." He didn't like what images it brought to mind. He knew that nerds were the weak ones who got beat up after school. The ones who didn't get dates for prom. The ones who would end up living in their parents basement when they were old and out of college. John didn't want to be that, but his love for comic books and games branded him with the monicker.

John grew up with parents who loved and supported him. But John's school life wasn't as great. When he was young, he would get picked on by his classmates for liking comic books and playing trading card games. Wanting so much to fit in, John decided that the only way to be accepted was to join in and keep his "lame" hobbies a secret. 

John started to pick on the kids he used to hang out with, calling them "nerds" and "losers." He would tear up their decks and laugh in their face, only to go home and neatly organize his own decks. He would make fun of kids for bringing their GameBoys to school, but would get in trouble at home for staying up too late to play his. In college, John would "troll" online video game chats. He would yell homophobic and sexist slurs into the microphone in order to annoy people. He would tease new and experienced players for their skills.

For most of his life, John kept this double identity a secret. He made himself the embodiment of masculinity, a herculean character to hide his inner "loser" hobbies. Soon after college, John married his long time sweetheart Juliet and moved back home to their hometown. He got a job working at the garage his family owned and soon ended up owning the place. He was the success story he wanted to be, but there was still that feeling in the back of his mind. The voice that kept saying: Don't screw this up with your stupid hobbies, loser!

Through the happiness, there was a tiny part of John that still remained hollow. Thinking it would help, John confided in his wife, Juliet, about his double life. Not wanting to sound heartless, he disregarded telling her about the bullying he did when he was younger, only telling her about his "secret life." Juliet, albeit confused, explained that she didn't care what he did for fun as long as he wasn't cheating. John was relieved, but still worried. He swore Juliet to secrecy. She was even more confused by the demand, but agreed. 

For a while, the reveal eased John's mind. During this time, Juliet and he had their two daughters. The cherry on top of the ideal family picture. 

The girls were the lights of John's life. They were his princesses that he would protect beyond all measure. Yet, as they grew up, John started to notice something. The girls didn't want to play fairy tale, but superheroes and villains. Instead of Cinderella, they were watching Doctor Who. John came to realize that his little girls were nerds. He grew worried. He knew the type of people that his girls would come across. He knew this because he was one of them. He tried to stifle the girls' interests when they were younger, trying to have them keep it a secret. But they were stubborn and protested the request.

As they grew into their teens, John continued to protect his girls. In some eyes, it was overprotective, but John didn't care. He didn't want his girls to come face to face with the bullies he knew existed.

One day, his girls came up to him pleading to go to a local comic book convention. His first instinct was to say no, but he knew they would find a way to go. John agreed only if he could go with them. The girls agree with an exasperated sigh. The girls worked on their costumes whenever they could. They wanted to be the best dressed girls there. And when the time came, the girls were ecstatic as though it were Christmas all over again. John went to kept an eye on the girls, but ended up having just as much fun. He was happy he was able to share something with his girls, even if he had to keep it locked up inside.

As they were leaving the convention, John let out a quiet sigh. Nothing had happened, making him believe that perhaps he had worried too much. But three little words that screamed across the entrance hall sobered his mind.

"Nice outfits losers!" 

A group of kids that were loitering around the entrance had spotted John's daughters and started to make fun of them. Nasty comments were shot in rapid succession at the two young teens, wearing them down. John stepped in to stop it, but the bullies didn't care. They left with a middle finger raised high and their laughter loud. 

Seeing the humiliation in his daughters' eyes, something inside of John clicked into place. In his daughters he saw all of the kids he would make fun of and bully. All of the kids who he would beat up in high school and the kids he would troll online in college. They were there in his daughters. And it was this moment that John grew sick of hiding.

After the convention, John started to make more of an effort to be more open with his nerdy side. Not just with his family, but everyone else in his life. He ended up coming clean about his years of bullying to Juliet, swearing that he was going to make a change. And he did. His girls grew up to be well known cosplayers online and in the convention scene who spoke out against harassment and bullying in nerd culture. And they're best speaker is their father. John started to become a fixture on his daughters' YouTube channel, speaking out and telling his story.

"I may have screwed up royally in my past," He says at the end of their most viewed video, "But I can help by prevent anyone from making the same mistakes that I did."